I have had many times in my professional career that I have been undone by an encounter that rocked my frame of reference and prior beliefs. Yet when I am open to put aside my old beliefs to investigate new ones I am happy to be undone. It becomes an encounter that I am forever grateful for. It is exhilarating and necessary to be undone at times if I am to grow.
Yet as a mental health professional who works in with traumatized individuals, I am exposed to an entirely different undone.
Trauma.
Trauma is being undone in the most helpless and degrading way. It leads to a fear of moving forward lest another encounter occur.
Undone is this way is traumatic, not exhilarating and exciting.
The encounter becomes memorable in such a painful way. Growth is replaced by being still. The fear of another painful encounter is real. Safe and still become synonymous. Putting the pieces back together again means moving out of stillness, out of safety. That is too painful. It is much easier to remain still and safe, broken but not re-traumatized.
Undone becomes safe. Undone becomes the new norm.
My life experiences have not been as intense nor extreme as many I have worked with, but I have to default to the one thing that works every time.
Jesus.
I must give my undone to Jesus. He takes my undone. He takes the most painful thing I have ever experienced into His capable and loving hands. He closes those capable and loving hands around my painful undone and for a moment I can breathe. I just breathe. I just close my eyes and breathe.
Jesus is here.
Jesus has my undone.
He puts it aside and then uses those same hands to reach out to me. He engulfs me with those loving hands and my breathing turns to sobbing. My standing turns to collapsing.
He sits grieves with me. Suffering was never part of His plan.
For a while we just sit. The sobbing subsides and I begin to just breathe.
Just breathe.
From the middle of the embrace I hear Him speak. My wounds and my brokenness seem so far away.
What was broken has been rearranged and healed. Undone is not so painful anymore. Healing has occured. I notice it the most when He stands amd beckons me.to do the same and I do not crumble.
Healing has occurred.
It is difficult to stand, but it is time.
Healing has occurred.
It is time to stand again.
I was undone, now I am healed.
The pain lingers ever so softly but it is outdone by Jesus. Time does not heal all wounds. Jesus does.
Only the Master can heal such grievous wounds and bid me walk again.
Only Jesus can take my undone.
Only Jesus.”